


It Wasn't Your Fault

by Huntz711



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntz711/pseuds/Huntz711
Summary: Luffy hears some words he's needed for a long time.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy & Sabo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 46





	It Wasn't Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. This happened a while ago, I figured I should share it because y'all on this hellsite love angst just as much as I do.   
> Enjoy!

_ It's your fault. You let him die. You let him DIE! _

Luffy shot up from his bunk, hand over his mouth to stop a wail from reaching his sleeping Nakama. He was sweaty and shaky. He silently - he could be silent when he wanted - got out of his hanging bunk and slipped to the door. 

Sabo's face was fresh in his mind, twisted in righteous anger in his dreams. He had failed them both. Even after two years his scar hurt, reminding him of his failure.

He'd let Ace die. Hadn't even moved when that fist approached him or when his brother got in the way. Ace, his brother who finally found a home that accepted, a father, a place in the world. Ace, who was happier with that father than Luffy had seen him in years. He wondered if staying out of it would have saved him.  _ Weak _ , Sabo's accusation screamed in his head. 

He went to his spot at the front of the ship without thinking much. He rubbed the Sunny's head absently, but didn't feel comfortable even in his special seat. The breeze did little about the sweat that clung to him. He rubbed his arms and closed his eyes, but they shot back open at the sight of his brothers' faces, Ace's happy and tranquil in death and Sabo's accusatory. Hateful. 

_ "You took advantage of him." _ He heard.  _ "Of his love. You were so undeserving. You didn't save him, but did you even try?" _

_ I did try, _ he wanted to tell Sabo.  _ I couldn't do it! _

But the fact still stood. He didn't save him. 

He was back with his crew, but the accusations still plagued him night after night. He wasn't strong enough. He was too weak a baby brother and Ace's death was his fault. How could he expect to save Ace when he still needed Ace to save him? 

_ "Thank you for loving me!" _ But had he? Had he even made Ace's last words, his final message true? If he loved him, why didn't he save him?

He rubbed his eyes and looked at the horizon. It was hardly visible in the darkness. His eyes were stinging, his scalp prickling in shame. But he wouldn't cry. How could he cry? How could he cry after he didn't save Ace? He had no right. No right to that love. 

Sabo was absolutely right. 

Luffy didn't go to bed again, remained on the figurehead thinking all night. 

God, Sabo would hate him. He'd trusted him with Ace, trusted him with their hurt and rejected brother. And he didn't save him. 

Two nights later he awoke again, covering his mouth until he made it out to the deck, where he took in deep breaths of air, vision swimming. He couldn't cry. He didn't deserve to cry. Ace was in front of him again, the scent of seared flesh overbearing.  _ "Thank you for loving me." _

_ Don't say that, don't thank me,  _ Luffy wanted to yell.  _ I wasn't enough. I didn't love you enough. _

Sabo was there. He held Ace's body, screamed at Luffy,  _ "Get away, get away, you killed him! Don't steal his last moments!" _

His crew noticed. They tried to comfort him, but he didn't tell them what was wrong, didn't accept their attempts. He didn't deserve it.  _ If he hadn't loved Ace enough, was there a chance he didn't love them enough, either? _

He didn't tell his crew what was wrong. He got good at hiding it, almost fooled himself into forgetting over several weeks. But Sabo always returned to call him out on it. Luffy wished he could apologize. But there was nothing to say. 

_ "Trying to forget him. Your own brother. You want to kill him again? Erase his memory?"  _ Sabo taunted.  _ "Don't search for peace when you couldn't get it for him, crybaby." _

But now… now, here was a strange man in front of him, blonde and smiling with kind round eyes that were so, so familiar. 

_ Brother _ , the stranger had called him. 

Brother. 

The man took his hat off and the shadows on his face fell away. Round eyes, kind, mischievous smile. Still in the clothes of a noble boy, blue and grey and black. The bleach blonde hair was unmistakable.

Luffy's mouth fell open and fear froze him in place. He couldn't breathe.  _ You didn't save him. Don't pretend you cared.  _

Sabo. Sabo was in front of him, alive. Alive and angry, no doubt. He couldn't see him because his vision had gone black, or had he closed his eyes? He staggered backwards until he fell and felt his back hit one of the pillars in the hall. He swallowed hard and tried to gasp in enough air to speak or even  _ see,  _ but he couldn't. 

_ You failed Ace, you let him die, he's dead because of you, it's your fault, you didn't save him, you didn't love him, he died for no reason - _

Sabo was saying something but Luffy was too afraid to hear it. He didn't want to hear what he knew would be said. He knew he was a  _ failure,  _ a  _ killer _ , a  _ traitor, _ but he didn't want to hear it from Sabo. He didn't want to hear his brother disown him as he had so many times in his dreams. He didn't want to be  _ alone _ . He dug his fingers into his scalp, pushing the helmet off his head in order to do so. His eyes were shut so tight it hurt his head but all he could see was Ace's corpse and the blood on his hands and the  _ hatred _ he knew was in Sabo's eyes. He couldn't take it. 

A hand grabbed his shoulder. "Luffy? Luffy, look at me," Sabo was saying. 

Luffy wouldn't. He couldn't. He didn't want to see the  _ rage _ he felt towards himself in his brother's eyes. He tried to jolt away from the hand and to his relief it pulled away from his shoulder. 

"Luffy, hey - "

Luffy lashed out, his hand slapping Sabo's offered arm away. He scrambled along the pillar until he could move past it. "I'M  _ SORRY!! _ " He wailed, and he hated that excuse, but he wanted Sabo to  _ understand _ . He felt that maybe, maybe if he could make Sabo get it, maybe the hatred he knew was there would soften a little. Maybe he could be forgiven. 

_ Excuses _ , his mind told him.  _ Stop grasping at that hope. It's wrong. You don't deserve forgiveness, you  _ killed  _ your brother.  _

He couldn't scoot back anymore. His legs felt like jelly and his fingers, digging into his hair as they were, felt as immobile as stone. 

Over the static and screaming in his mind he heard Sabo's footsteps approaching him again. He screwed his eyes shut tighter, so tight his head hurt. 

A hand grabbed his shoulder and he froze up. He cracked one eye open and saw his brother's face for a moment and then he was jostled as he was enveloped in a firm embrace. He stared at the far wall of the hallway over Sabo's shoulder. 

He couldn't think, much less force any words out. All he managed was a half-sob of confusion. One of Sabo's hands was cradling the back of his head. Luffy could feel it shaking. 

"Luffy," he heard. "Oh, Luffy…" 

Sabo's head nuzzled into his shoulder and Luffy went lax, still too shaky and confused to do much other than cry quietly. 

"Luffy, it wasn't your fault."

Luffy's breath hitched. He'd heard that before. From Jinbe, from Rayleigh, from Hancock, even from his own crew, when they worked up the courage to mention the war to him. 

But from Sabo?

A part of him longed for Sabo to really mean that. He wished it could be true, so hard that it constricted his chest and pounded in his head. But it couldn't be. Luffy opened his mouth to explain that yes, it was, to explain how he'd failed and how he should have been  _ stronger _ , "Bu-"

"Luffy,  _ it wasn't your fault _ ." 

Luffy melted and wailed into his brother's shoulder.

Sabo didn't move, only let Luffy cry. And cry Luffy did, until he was tired and quiet in his arms. 

Sabo pulled away and Luffy took a moment to work up the courage to meet his eyes. 

There was no hatred. There were no accusations, only warmth and comfort and sadness. Luffy's tears fell again, but he didn't have the energy to sob anymore.

"Luffy, I'd never blame you…  _ Ace  _ would never blame you."

Luffy averted his eyes, turning his head away but Sabo's hand took his cheek and directed his gaze back to himself. "You need to understand that, at least a little."

Luffy sniffled and brought a shaking hand up to wipe the snot off his face. Slowly, he managed a tiny nod. 

Sabo hugged him once more. "I love you, Luffy.  _ I'm so sorry _ ."

Luffy pressed his face into his shoulder again. 

**Author's Note:**

> :)  
> Comments appreciated!


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